Shame – relating to inner value and cultural context
Course description
Relational Trauma therapy has specialised in including and normalising hypo-states and developing practical methods for working with these. As part of this process we discovered the importance of including and differentiating shame. We see working with shame as an essential part of working with trauma and dissociation.
Working with shame and working with disgust are often interwoven and they both hold aspects of working with hypo-states. Finding a way to own our shame and finding ways out of shame is supported by awakening hypo-responsive parts of us
practical methodology and theoretical understanding of different kinds of shame
Psychomotor and neurocentric exercises will be used to build capacity to feel, own and regulate shame – and through that accessing inner value and dignity
The principle of dosing will be included so the awakening of shame happens in a dosage that can be integrated. Awareness of hypo-states – both hypo-response and hypo-arousal is part of this process
Traumasensitive group process (subgrouping) will be used to work with and hopefully open up isolation patterns
Working with shame connects to both authority and attachment
Owning regret can support a sense of inner authority and pride – and working with introjective shame is part of deeply embedded attachment patterns and can give access to a sense of inner value and dignity
SHAME is a more complex state compared to disgust. Shame holds both bodily, emotional, cognitive and cultural aspects
Working with shame involves working with how to establish a kind dialogue with oneself – an inner dialogue, that can support us in accessing and relating to our inner value and dignity with kindness – and also kindly relating to what happens to us when we loose this access
Different kinds of shame have been named in a variation of ways. As we see it the most important differentiation is between shame as a survival-driven adaptation to outer contexts on one side – and on the other side shame as a natural regulatory mechanism socially
“Introjective shame” - White shame is the name we use for the survival-driven adaptation – given that this mechanism helps us survive in toxic environments by introjecting, swallowing something that we cannot react to outwardly. We take it on ourselves – “I am wrong” – instead of “Something out there is wrong”. Another name for this mechanism is “White shame” – deadening parts of ourselves to adapt. Introjective shame is closely connected to cultural norms in families and in societies. It is contextual – and it is connected to how groups relate to differences.
Red shame - The natural regulatory mechanism of shame is not about “I am wrong” – it is about “I did something or didn’t do something and I regret it”. This is a reaction to having been part of or having witnessed interactions that feel out of balance – interactions that violates our bodily sense of ethics. Something happened that just feels “wrong” – and I was part of it. This leaves us with regret – I wish it hadn’t happened – I wish I had done or said something different. This kind of shame is also called “red shame”. Regret is an important regulatory mechanism in contact. Without regret we can be shameless – and not be aware of consequences of our own behavior. The opposite of regret is being proud of something you did or didn’t do.
A third aspect of shame can be described as an innate sensitivity in contact, that shows when we are blushing, we are looking down to regulate intensity in contact. This shyness is an innate part of how we regulate contact and it is a gate-keeper, being very sensitive to our boundaries.
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Reduced price ends at midnight February 12TH 2025